Becoming an adult is all about accepting that you didn't know anything when you were a kid.

Love's a funny thing, especially with a man who gets paid to put junk in other people's slots. (The Mail Man)

A great man will experience more failures than successes. If we lived for the successes, we would have all killed ourselves by now.

I've gotta die of something, but I don't wanna die of it today.

Can I get a two-thumbs up for a fatter America?

Learn to be embarrassed by little and sorry about even less.

Love happens in the strangest places at the strangest times.

If you don't laugh at the crazy things, you're liable to lose your mind.

All of life is like raindrops on the window; some stick around for a little while and some just fall right out of the picture.

Everyone hated Calculus. Quadratic equations, parabolas, logarithms, trigonometry - you name it. It was like floating in an endless, frictionless void traveling at x miles per hour at a descension rate of one half the speed of gravity. Solve for x.